Top Ten Ways to Set Appropriate Expectations for Dating
1) Give yourself time to get back into the groove of dating
If you haven’t dated in a while it may require an investment of time and effort on your part if you are ultimately looking for a soul-mate. As we get older and learn from our experiences our requirements for an ideal mate may change and some things that were must haves may become negotiable. Getting dating experience helps with clarity around what is and is not negotiable in a mate. Detach from how long you think it ought to take to find your soul-mate.
2) Develop a “catch and release” program which supports your quest for an ideal mate.
Remember if you’re dating someone you really enjoy AND deep down know they are not “the one” – by keeping this person in your life hoping they will magically become “the one” – it keeps them and YOU from being open for the real “one”. Don’t be afraid to adopt a catch and release program if it’s not perfect, for you. Just maybe your ideal mate is waiting for you to become available!
3) Be irresistibly YOU!
At the end of the day – when people fall in love – it’s because they feel they know the “real you”. Why wait until later to reveal who that person is – start being YOU in every moment. Others may just find you irresistibly attractive!
4) Say…I’m curious…
The best way to get to know someone is to be curious about life through their eyes. We can never have the same experiences because we view life through our own filters and our own conditioning. So be curious – find out what makes the other person light up! What they are passionate about!
5) Who says dating can’t be fun?!
Have FUN!!! Adopt an expectation of fun. When you are having fun the best of you is coming out to play. Isn’t that a great way to enjoy yourself and time with others? What a wonderful gift to share with another human being – you being your best and most fun?! Your future happiness depends on it!
6) Tell me more…
Ask questions and be a good listener. Get to know the real person you are sitting across from. Being drilled with “interview” questions is not a good relating technique! Being interviewed on a date creates a hostile environment and puts the other person on the defensive. Relax and remember have fun and enjoy hearing about life from another perspective. Listen for cues when the other person speaks for a good next question. Let the conversation flow.
7) Rescue ME!
Don’t expect your date or your soul-mate to rescue you from your life. Entering into a healthy relationship means both parties come together as whole human beings and together you become even more amazing. If you are needy you may attract exactly what you don’t want and repel what you do want.
8) It all makes sense!
Each of us has our own unique life purpose. Remembering that gives, having judgment or controlling others, quite a different perspective. Having others do things your way may not always help them with their own life lessons or you with yours!
Be accepting of others. This does not mean that every person is a right match for you nor does it mean inappropriate behaviors are overlooked. It means you have a choice of whether to see this person again or not. Listen to your own intuition.
10) What’s the big rush…this is your life we’re talking about!
Take your time getting to know this new person in your life. Resist the urge to marry your date, in your mind, on the first (second, third…?) date. Engaging your emotions before you have enough information will hinder your ability to notice relationship red flags.
About the Author
This piece was originally submitted by Jane Johnson, a certified life coach who has experienced the world of internet dating. After a nearly 20 year hiatus from dating, she immersed herself in the activity. The following are tips from her observations, interviews and personal experiences. You can reach her at www.doingcoolstuff.com